The Sarcastic Dharma Society
Live at Laughing Horse
  • audio
    video

    01. Empathy

    If it's two years since I've seen you, I apologize for leaving
    for not grieving, disappointing you, with reason
    but I swear I did the best with what I had

    If you call me with a cell phone from a bridge when you are seething
    desperation in your breathing, open wounds, unfinished feelings

    is it my fault, what you have done?
    If I've moved on, have I done wrong?
    If you forgive me, will you leave me alone?

    You know I don't expect an understanding
    resolute in your meandering, speaking up to hear yourself
    but don't you guilt my heart with your heartache
    You know even on a great day I can hardly break free from the blankets that shelter me.

    And I know you are sad
    the way we are all sad
    I know that you are lost
    and that you think I am your home
    but I cannot take care of myself
    What would ever make you believe I could care for somebody else?

    Is it my fault, what you have done?
    If I've moved on, have I done wrong?
    If you forgive me, will you leave me alone?

    02. 3am

    I'm biking by your house at 3am
    I told myself I wouldn't, but I am
    I know I should be trying to be a man
    but I'm too busy trying to think of the saddest thing I can

    Like, It's probably warm in there
    Clean pillows and your freshly shampooed hair

    Goddamn it's been an awful year
    I can't believe that I'm still here
    Holy shit, I really thought I would die
    And I've fucked up every thing I've tried

    And you're probably warm in there
    With your new person, and their new hands in your hair

    I'm lying in the grass at 3am
    I don't know what I'm waiting for or where I am
    I've no direction, I have no plan
    but I can't think of a single reason that I should stand

    So I'm watching these clouds blow by the moon
    and I'm trying, or I'm trying not, to think of you

    I can't give up on loving you
    but that's exactly what you want me to do
    I wanna be the one who's loving you
    but you don't want me and there's nothing I can do

    Goddamn this is an awful year
    I can't believe that I'm still here
    And holy shit, I really wanted to die
    But I've fucked up every time I've tried

    And you're probably warm in there
    With your new person in the bed we used to share

    03. Never

    I told you that I would never leave
    and what I told you, I believed

    Who knew you could be wrong
    about your own heart?
    How was I to know you weren't the whole
    but just a small part?

    I am in awe of how hard I must fight
    to hold on to a feeling for more than a night

    04. Surrender To You

    Hold back
    I can't say what I wanna say
    and I know that
    but I rehearse it anyway
    Every day, as I wake, when I shower, when I shave
    I rewrite, I rephrase, I rethink what I'd say

    And what I'd say is:

    "I know you.
    You don't believe in love.
    But I'll show you.
    This isn't what you're thinking of.
    This is something new.
    And lord knows I was skeptical, too.

    My head tells me this can't be true.
    It's a lustful impulse gone askew.
    But my heart's been fighting hard for you,
    and I can see its point of view.
    But with all the feelings I've been through,
    there's nothing honest I can do,

    but surrender to you.

    And then you do whatever feels right to you.
    Kiss my face and let me comfort you.
    Or slap it hard and bruise me black and blue.
    Either way I give this self to you.
    And I'm sorry if you didn't want me to,
    but I surrender to you."

    05. This Fool

    There is no way out of this town
    I've followed every train track and road that I've found
    and they circle round and round
    I'm trapped in this body
    Sad, captive, and sorry
    I want to get out and I wanna find the end
    and sever my ties to the people I've been
    and live a righteous life
    or give a selfless love
    or do whatever a good person does
    to end up in heaven above

    You put your faith into this fool
    Gave him a thousand second chances to start new
    But every time he comes back
    saying he would never do that
    with a thousand selfish reasons
    for the thousand selfish ways
    I will hurt you

    You know that people can't be trusted to be good
    Why would you lie and say that you believed they could?

    So you know that I could be the guy
    who loves you every day until you die
    but I am probably just somebody who will make you cry
    It's more than likely that I might be just a waste of time

    My bones are scarred from things that I've done wrong
    And you will learn to hate my face in time
    And everything that we will ever do
    is everything that we have ever done
    And everything that I will ever say
    I'll say with this song:
    That, what I wanted for you and me
    and what happened to you and me
    are two very different things
    And that difference is the reason every singer sings

    And where does that leave me?
    Hoping no one will ever see
    how worthless I am
    lyrics
  • audio

    01. The Light

    tonight i can see all the stars
    that are dying or dead, or living well fed
    i feel the light from the things that they've said
    as i walk the blocks to where i know you'll be
    and i kick the rocks and look up at the trees
    wondering, "will you remember me?"

    02. The Giving Tree

    what happened to me didn't happen very long
    less than a moment and something else had begun
    and people aren't the same for very long
    and when i hear you've got a new favorite song

    i fall upon my temporary knees
    and i scream "please please please,"
    that, like the giving tree
    i need to be useful to be happy

    i wanna give away my love.
    i wanna give away my love.

    most of what i have i don't deserve
    and the parts that i do aren't very good
    and if i gave this heart another go
    sold this self to someone i hardly know

    i fall upon my temporary knees
    and i scream "please please please,"
    that, like the giving tree
    i need to be useful to be happy

    i wanna give away my love.
    i wanna give away my love.

    what do i believe? what do i think i need?
    what do i believe? what do i think i need?

    03. My War

    like at the end of a war
    we both walk away
    go back to our lives
    pretend we're the same

    and you said, "go home.
    no more war in my heart."
    and left for wherever you are
    by the dawn's early light

    but that was our home
    at the center of that mad mad fight
    now i see i am alone
    by the dawn's early light
    an aimless and endless refrain
    by the dawn's early light
    by the dawn's early light

    04. Our Lives

    and i crawl into bed when i'm not even tired
    pretend it's five hours from now and you're calling to say
    that you're on your way

    and i will be here when you walk through the door
    and i will come running from out from wherever i'm hiding to say,
    "i know that you've had a long day,
    but these are our lives,
    and these are our good times,
    and i love my life--can't believe that it's mine.
    hold my hand, and feel my body,
    forget that i'm sorry, just know that i'm warm.

    05. Moving On

    your oh so tired eyes falling asleep on me
    the movie on pause while i wait when you have to go pee
    will i forget these things and be happy?
    i should have known something that great would eventually leave

    telling you what you said in your sleep
    listening to your stuffy nose breathe
    the way you burnt yourself on every cup of tea
    the moments apart when i knew you were thinking of me
    will i forget these things and be happy?
    i guess i knew something that great would eventually leave

    06. Molly

    i gave away everything that i owned
    all the few posessions and ambitions that i once that were my own
    because i was confronted by the truth about our lives
    that we are here to love each other
    while we have the time

    don't wait, hold my hand
    i give thanks for whatever i have

    and i became a flower because of you
    because of you i give my fragrance
    i learn to walk
    i reach you
    i learn to talk
    i write my song
    and it goes
    "oh, how i love you. oh, how i have loved you."
    when i met you, when i kissed you
    when i followed and when i led
    through the forest, and the desert
    and the softness of our bed
    when we argued, when we forgave
    called each other the same name
    as we grew up, when you gave up
    when you left me, still i sang, that,
    "oh, how i love you. oh, how i have loved you"
    lyrics
  • 121 plays

    a New Favorite Song for Every New Day | #015

    "Corcovado"
    by Stan Getz & Astrud Gilberto

    "quiet nights of quiet stars
    quiet chords from my guitar
    floating on the silence that surrounds us”

    i was thinking. a few nights ago. while listening to some music. about how music. is a real thing. that exists. in a space.

    when you put on a record. in the corner of a room. the music is not in the corner of the room. and it is not in the speaker. the music is filling the room. it fills the room.

           floating.
                        on the silence.
                                               that surrounds us.

    -mat

    Permalink  |  Reblog  |  11 notes
      |  Posted on Friday, October 4 at 4:00pm
  • 49 plays

    a New Favorite Song for Every New Day | #014

    "Roberta C"
    by Casiotone For The Painfully Alone

    carson flannery & jerome line the bookshelves at home
    waiting tables at some cafe to pay my student loans
    if they didn’t make me sneeze i’d get a cat & name her eloise

    it’d be someone to talk to in the least

    a listless intellectual in her prime
    scrabble high score 409
    with nothing remarkable to leave behind

    smoking lights working nights
    & frequent trips to the public library
    don’t make much of a life
    but it’s all going to change
    maybe tonight
    i’m leaving something to remember me by

    a listless intellectual in her prime
    scrabble high score 409
    & the note on the bed
    true love is hard to find

    Permalink  |  Reblog  |  10 notes
      |  Posted on Thursday, September 19 at 1:00pm
  • a New Favorite Song for Every New Day | #013

    "Eight Letters"
    by Paul Baribeau

    "i had nothing nice to say
                    i said it anyway
    i made myself feel a little better

    yeah but in the end i guess
              it was probably for the best
    that i never bothered sending you those letters”

    i had the pleasure of seeing mr paul baribeau sing songs last night. it’s sort of indescribable. there is this weight and this immense truth that lingers on every word he belts or that he whispers. there is an honesty inside of his syllables that just floors me. kills me. i always try really hard not to cry, but he hits all these emotions that i thought i was finished with, that i’d previously categorized as “overcome”, and then i just well up and try not to look at anybody who isn’t paul baribeau, while also trying to not look at paul baribeau, fearing he might happen to glance at me and catch me tearing at his song. which is surely against the rules. because it’s his.

    the first time i heard this song was maybe 5 years ago at at a house show that he played in northeast portland. i remember being so affected by this one in particular, like, it felt like the song that i had been trying to write but couldn’t get right, and he’d done it so effortlessly, and so vulnerably and i didn’t do a very good job of being a person for the rest of that night. it was also Kickball’s last show, which made for an exceptionally crazy night, and i remember hearing them play “Fight” amid a sea of sweaty bodies in the basement while i sat in the back near the stairs and thought about those eight letters. it was probably for the best. -mat

    Permalink  |  Reblog  |  15 notes
      |  Posted on Wednesday, September 18 at 1:00pm
  • 39 plays

    a New Favorite Song for Every New Day | #012

    “So You May See”
    by A John Henry Memorial

     i will love you.
    (i will love you.)

         no matter what you do.

    because i know you.
                  (i know you.)

    through.

                      and.

                                  through.

    Permalink  |  Reblog  |  5 notes
      |  Posted on Tuesday, March 19 at 6:27pm
  • 69 plays

    a New Favorite Song for Every New Day#011

    “By Balloon or Sinking Ship”
    by Jordan O’ Jordan

    one of the sweeter love songs i’ve ever heard—wanting just to be around a person is probably my favorite part of being around a person. when i used to work at this flower farm picking tulips i would listen to this song and this album four or five times a day on a cd player squeezed into my back pocket that would skip whenever i walked too fast or bent over too far, and i thought a whole lot about where my life was at and where i wanted my life to be at and what i was supposed to be doing and what i wanted to be doing and how long the girl who told me what to do had been telling people what to do and what her kids were like and if she was happy and if anything would ever make sense and how many minutes were left until i got to drink folgers out of a styrofoam cup in the break room again. -mat

                                                                               n
                                                                           o
                                                                        o
    “the vehicle we’re driving’s                       l
           not important                                  l
                to arrive in                             a
                                                          b
                      we could get there by 
                                           or
                                             sinking
                                                          s
                                                            h
                                                              i
                                                               p
                                                                  “

    Permalink  |  Reblog  |  11 notes
      |  Posted on Monday, March 18 at 6:00pm
  • 489 plays

    a New Favorite Song for Every New Day#010

    “Don’t Be Upset”
    by Jeffrey Lewis

    don’t be upset.

    it’s not a catastrophe.

    nothing will happen
                            and soon
                                    you’ll be back with me.

    Permalink  |  Reblog  |  89 notes
      |  Posted on Sunday, March 17 at 6:11pm
  • 49 plays

    a New Favorite Song for Every New Day#009

    “Sauvie Island”
    by Kickball

    the kickball dudes really really need to get back to making music together. so good. this is sort of an un-kickball kickball song, down tempo, comparatively uncomplicated, but so touching! i’ve spent enough time on sauvie island, both literally and metaphorically, hanging out with fruit fields, lying in the sun listening to waves, to know that i haven’t spent nearly enough time on sauvie island. this summer, this year, man—this will be the year. (i wish.) -mat

    Permalink  |  Reblog  |  10 notes
      |  Posted on Saturday, March 16 at 6:00pm
  • 33 plays

    a New Favorite Song for Every New Day#008

    “All the World Is Green”
    by Tom Waits

    this is another song that i used to play a little bit, and love tremendously. tom waits’ voice here, so sad and so sweet, the melody at the chorus, and the way the bass steps back up into the verses, the sleepy clarinet, the vibes!—i really wish that this lineup and this sound was present across the whole album, or some other album, or playing every thursday in a basement down the street from my house. there are so many of his songs that i would love to hear played by this band.

              “the face forgives the mirror.
                           the worm forgives the plow.
              the question begs the answer:
                                                (can
                                                 you
                                                 forgive
                                                 me
                                                 somehow?)”

     and: tears. -mat

    Permalink  |  Reblog  |  8 notes
      |  Posted on Friday, March 15 at 6:00pm
  • 39 plays

    a New Favorite Song for Every New Day#007

    “Sun in an Empthy Room”
    by The Weakerthans

    john k samson is unparalleled. his songs are novels. i can’t write anything about this song that hasn’t already been said better by the song itself (or by parallelograms of light.) every image hinted at, each object mentioned, moment described, contributes its own personal story and fragment of a metaphor leading up to these most crushing revelations of personal failure, unavoidable shortcomings, lost hopes, disappointed dreams.

    "Take this moment to decide
         if we meant it, if we tried,
    or felt around for far too much,
         from things that accidentally touched.”

    the syllables throughout match up with this heartbreaking magic. they come out liquid, preordained with purpose, carrying themselves forward, carrying me with them. -mat

    Permalink  |  Reblog  |  11 notes
      |  Posted on Thursday, March 14 at 6:00pm
  • 55 plays

    a New Favorite Song for Every New Day#006

    “Wintermitts”
    by Julie Doiron

    like most every song that julie doiron has recorded, the nostalgia warms my heart. pajama pants and blanket togas, space heaters and hot cups of hot coffee. staring out through a foggy window. listening to the rain dripping off of the trees and onto the roof, off of the roof and onto the gravel path by the door. scrabble and naps and cats and cuddles. the sound of the melodica (or maybe it’s a harmonica?) is so breathy and so vulnerable and so human. it’s the most disarming, most comforting of comforting sounds. “..and a chorus from the kitchen sings: ‘I love you.’” -mat

    Permalink  |  Reblog  |  6 notes
      |  Posted on Wednesday, March 13 at 6:00pm
  • 169 plays

    a New Favorite Song for Every New Day#005

    “Loneliness Is Better When You’re Not Alone”
    by Hello Saferide

    i used to play this song at shows, and, for a long while, it was the only song that i felt honest singing. if it had no lyrics, just the title by itself would probably make me want to cry. hopeless solitude hoping for something. i love any song that can paint an accurate portrait of a sad, honest truth, a desperate moment, that can comfort, eloquently summarize, convey an understanding, all without trying to offer up a resolution or a weighted spin, whether positive or negative. songwriting is this amazingly intimate medium and this song, softly whispered into simpatico ears, is a highpoint for the art. -mat

    Permalink  |  Reblog  |  23 notes
      |  Posted on Tuesday, March 12 at 6:00pm
  • 129 plays

    a New Favorite Song for Every New Day#004

    “Send Packing”
    by All-Time Quarterback

    when i’m walking. or, when i’m on my bike. or, when i’m in the shower. or, when reminded by a photo or a doorway or a smile or a broken bench or a lighthouse. or when i catch myself alone, having the other half of a long lost, long ago lost argument. when my thoughts maybe find a moment without any thoughts, i end up with this melody, and the lyrics break down into an ever-present, infinitely recurring mantra:

              I’ve.
              nothing to say.
              that we haven’t gone
                                           over
                                             already.

    and i feel it over and over and over and over. it’s this powerfully understated summary of nearly every meaningful thought i’ve ever managed to have. easily my favorite Ben Gibbard line from a long list of favorite lines written by Ben Gibbard. oh, life. -mat

    Permalink  |  Reblog  |  18 notes
      |  Posted on Monday, March 11 at 6:00pm
  • 59 plays

    a New Favorite Song for Every New Day#003

    “Catch The Moon”
    by At Night

    cowboy songs for the naive romantic. new places, new people, possible lives, exciting prospective futures. i think about this song (and really this whole album) all the time when recording. it’s such a great example of what good “lo-fi” sounds like to me. it does such a perfect job of finding a place for a deceptively small number of sounds, building up the soundscape at the right pace, bringing in new instruments at the right moments to feed the tension, using interesting sounds to highlight interesting words. it’s a composition. it’s composed. it feels big. it’s like a movie. a lot of that is in his words and his voice, but the whole of the thing has an urgency, a significance and a breadth to it. and i love the way the lyrics sit right on the cusp between this really grounded, specific, conversational language: "So in the street after the show, I told her I’d walk home." and these big profound, poetic, declarative power lines: “Looking in the mirror, and wondering, ‘Why am I so lost?’” fuck. yes. -mat

    Permalink  |  Reblog  |  4 notes
      |  Posted on Sunday, March 10 at 7:00pm
  • 129 plays

    a New Favorite Song for Every New Day#002

    "Nectarine"
    by Twin Sister

    so many smart, interesting sounds fitting so closely together into such a small space—i think of The Zombie’s effortless efforts to gently frame “The Way I Feel Inside” by carefully adding instruments, trying to stay aware of the space. the rhythm guitar part here is, on its own, so intricate and well arranged that, to be carried into the back of my mind, it doesn’t even need (but makes fantastic use of) the almost equally affecting bass line in the second half of the song. the way that descending line falls into place, bringing all of these new textures with it, little swells and bells and hums and soft hollars—it’s wonderful. i love the idea of building large ideas and feelings from tiny pieces, and the melodica, for example, plays only 6 notes, but, along with the similarly sparse vocal harmony in the chorus, really works to fill out the song’s sleepy satisfaction. this song is not wearing pants. this song is smoking cigarettes in bed, reminding itself how lucky it is to have found its way into this very moment. -mat

    Permalink  |  Reblog  |  20 notes
      |  Posted on Saturday, March 9 at 6:00pm
  • 49 plays

    a New Favorite Song for Every New Day | #001

    "Forever, Now And Then"
    by Clem Snide

    this song turns me into smiles. it makes my body, my bones, get happy, and the muscles in my face are reminded to, encouraged to, compelled to curl up and smile—i’m totally immeresed in this romantic hope for, and appreciation of, a beautiful moment. it’s so patient and so sweet. the violin comes in perfectly, at the perfect point, playing precisely what it should be playing, and its little melody right at the start of the second verse is audible heaven. i love it. forever. now. and also then. -mat

    Permalink  |  Reblog  |  2 notes
      |  Posted on Saturday, March 9 at 9:07am
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