Rainy songs written and recorded in the city of Portland, Oregon.

contact/booking: sarcasticdharma@gmail.com

Mat Vuksinich: guitar/voice
Gabe Katz: drums
Eric Benick: bass
Nikki Buckley: rhodes piano
Noah Bernstein: tenor saxophone

2013


"LIVE AT LAUGHING HORSE"

2010


"SANNYASA SONGS
(OF LOVE)"

2009


"OTHER PEOPLE'S SONGS
(VOLUME ONE)"

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    01. Empathy

    If it's two years since I've seen you, I apologize for leaving
    for not grieving, disappointing you, with reason
    but I swear I did the best with what I had

    If you call me with a cell phone from a bridge when you are seething
    desperation in your breathing, open wounds, unfinished feelings

    is it my fault, what you have done?
    If I've moved on, have I done wrong?
    If you forgive me, will you leave me alone?

    You know I don't expect an understanding
    resolute in your meandering, speaking up to hear yourself
    but don't you guilt my heart with your heartache
    You know even on a great day I can hardly break free from the blankets that shelter me.

    And I know you are sad
    the way we are all sad
    I know that you are lost
    and that you think I am your home
    but I cannot take care of myself
    What would ever make you believe I could care for somebody else?

    Is it my fault, what you have done?
    If I've moved on, have I done wrong?
    If you forgive me, will you leave me alone?

    02. 3am

    I'm biking by your house at 3am
    I told myself I wouldn't, but I am
    I know I should be trying to be a man
    but I'm too busy trying to think of the saddest thing I can

    Like, It's probably warm in there
    Clean pillows and your freshly shampooed hair

    Goddamn it's been an awful year
    I can't believe that I'm still here
    Holy shit, I really thought I would die
    And I've fucked up every thing I've tried

    And you're probably warm in there
    With your new person, and their new hands in your hair

    I'm lying in the grass at 3am
    I don't know what I'm waiting for or where I am
    I've no direction, I have no plan
    but I can't think of a single reason that I should stand

    So I'm watching these clouds blow by the moon
    and I'm trying, or I'm trying not, to think of you

    I can't give up on loving you
    but that's exactly what you want me to do
    I wanna be the one who's loving you
    but you don't want me and there's nothing I can do

    Goddamn this is an awful year
    I can't believe that I'm still here
    And holy shit, I really wanted to die
    But I've fucked up every time I've tried

    And you're probably warm in there
    With your new person in the bed we used to share

    03. Never

    I told you that I would never leave
    and what I told you, I believed

    Who knew you could be wrong
    about your own heart?
    How was I to know you weren't the whole
    but just a small part?

    I am in awe of how hard I must fight
    to hold on to a feeling for more than a night

    04. Surrender To You

    Hold back
    I can't say what I wanna say
    and I know that
    but I rehearse it anyway
    Every day, as I wake, when I shower, when I shave
    I rewrite, I rephrase, I rethink what I'd say

    And what I'd say is:

    "I know you.
    You don't believe in love.
    But I'll show you.
    This isn't what you're thinking of.
    This is something new.
    And lord knows I was skeptical, too.

    My head tells me this can't be true.
    It's a lustful impulse gone askew.
    But my heart's been fighting hard for you,
    and I can see its point of view.
    But with all the feelings I've been through,
    there's nothing honest I can do,

    but surrender to you.

    And then you do whatever feels right to you.
    Kiss my face and let me comfort you.
    Or slap it hard and bruise me black and blue.
    Either way I give this self to you.
    And I'm sorry if you didn't want me to,
    but I surrender to you."

    05. This Fool

    There is no way out of this town
    I've followed every train track and road that I've found
    and they circle round and round
    I'm trapped in this body
    Sad, captive, and sorry
    I want to get out and I wanna find the end
    and sever my ties to the people I've been
    and live a righteous life
    or give a selfless love
    or do whatever a good person does
    to end up in heaven above

    You put your faith into this fool
    Gave him a thousand second chances to start new
    But every time he comes back
    saying he would never do that
    with a thousand selfish reasons
    for the thousand selfish ways
    I will hurt you

    You know that people can't be trusted to be good
    Why would you lie and say that you believed they could?

    So you know that I could be the guy
    who loves you every day until you die
    but I am probably just somebody who will make you cry
    It's more than likely that I might be just a waste of time

    My bones are scarred from things that I've done wrong
    And you will learn to hate my face in time
    And everything that we will ever do
    is everything that we have ever done
    And everything that I will ever say
    I'll say with this song:
    That, what I wanted for you and me
    and what happened to you and me
    are two very different things
    And that difference is the reason every singer sings

    And where does that leave me?
    Hoping no one will ever see
    how worthless I am
    lyrics
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    01. The Light

    tonight i can see all the stars
    that are dying or dead, or living well fed
    i feel the light from the things that they've said
    as i walk the blocks to where i know you'll be
    and i kick the rocks and look up at the trees
    wondering, "will you remember me?"

    02. The Giving Tree

    what happened to me didn't happen very long
    less than a moment and something else had begun
    and people aren't the same for very long
    and when i hear you've got a new favorite song

    i fall upon my temporary knees
    and i scream "please please please,"
    that, like the giving tree
    i need to be useful to be happy

    i wanna give away my love.
    i wanna give away my love.

    most of what i have i don't deserve
    and the parts that i do aren't very good
    and if i gave this heart another go
    sold this self to someone i hardly know

    i fall upon my temporary knees
    and i scream "please please please,"
    that, like the giving tree
    i need to be useful to be happy

    i wanna give away my love.
    i wanna give away my love.

    what do i believe? what do i think i need?
    what do i believe? what do i think i need?

    03. My War

    like at the end of a war
    we both walk away
    go back to our lives
    pretend we're the same

    and you said, "go home.
    no more war in my heart."
    and left for wherever you are
    by the dawn's early light

    but that was our home
    at the center of that mad mad fight
    now i see i am alone
    by the dawn's early light
    an aimless and endless refrain
    by the dawn's early light
    by the dawn's early light

    04. Our Lives

    and i crawl into bed when i'm not even tired
    pretend it's five hours from now and you're calling to say
    that you're on your way

    and i will be here when you walk through the door
    and i will come running from out from wherever i'm hiding to say,
    "i know that you've had a long day,
    but these are our lives,
    and these are our good times,
    and i love my life--can't believe that it's mine.
    hold my hand, and feel my body,
    forget that i'm sorry, just know that i'm warm.

    05. Moving On

    your oh so tired eyes falling asleep on me
    the movie on pause while i wait when you have to go pee
    will i forget these things and be happy?
    i should have known something that great would eventually leave

    telling you what you said in your sleep
    listening to your stuffy nose breathe
    the way you burnt yourself on every cup of tea
    the moments apart when i knew you were thinking of me
    will i forget these things and be happy?
    i guess i knew something that great would eventually leave

    06. Molly

    i gave away everything that i owned
    all the few posessions and ambitions that i once that were my own
    because i was confronted by the truth about our lives
    that we are here to love each other
    while we have the time

    don't wait, hold my hand
    i give thanks for whatever i have

    and i became a flower because of you
    because of you i give my fragrance
    i learn to walk
    i reach you
    i learn to talk
    i write my song
    and it goes
    "oh, how i love you. oh, how i have loved you."
    when i met you, when i kissed you
    when i followed and when i led
    through the forest, and the desert
    and the softness of our bed
    when we argued, when we forgave
    called each other the same name
    as we grew up, when you gave up
    when you left me, still i sang, that,
    "oh, how i love you. oh, how i have loved you"
    lyrics
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